Published: October 04, 2007 02:50 pm            

The Yield: ‘New normal’ includes new adventure to a familiar place

Originally published in the October 5, 2007, print edition.

Many children, learning to swim, run to the edge of the lake. A friendly wave rolls over the sand. Suddenly they are ankle deep in cold water. Screaming with delight, or fear, they head back to the warm sandy shore while the soft wave retreats.

Stan and I are “getting our feet wet” with longer motorcycle rides. We watched with curiosity as bikers pulled into the Shell station to refuel for their ride to Sturgis. We wondered how it would be in the cold and rain. We bought rain gear, “but ran back” to the warmth of our home to wait for a more favorable weather forecast.

Both of us had been to the Black Hills area with our former spouses. We both loved the area and decided we would venture away from home. After the long illness with Larry, I had a difficult time leaving home. I cherished the secure walls and restful rooms. An edge of panic created an uneasy feeling.

I felt secure in the grief support group sponsored by hospice. The ladies shared their bereavement issues and I shared mine. I was grateful for their listening ears and compassionate hearts. People in the community reached out, but I am still cautious.

Many have moved on with their grief for Larry. I do not know how to relate because I have not.

That does not mean I cry or wail, but it is a sad longing for things to be normal. I am also searching for my “new normal.” Our social worker described that normal would never be the same.

I want my new normal to be carefully processed, mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I cannot substitute a frenzy of activity, which stifles the refining process of grief. God has trusted me with the gift of grieving.

Grieving a gift? It has made me more aware of God’s working in my life, peace about eternal life and empathy for others in similar circumstances. The gift has not been free; it has a great cost, the suffering and death of our spouses, Larry and Pam.

The gift of a new spouse is wonderful for both Stan and me. However, we are aware of the great pain we both experience in our losses.

The weather forecast was calling for rain, and in fact it was raining quite hard as we left on our trip to South Dakota. Our motorcycle was getting wet. We were warm and dry in the comfort of our vehicle, which was towing the Harley.

After a good night’s rest and breakfast at the motel, we took the bike down off the trailer for a trip through the Badlands. It was early morning, our choice to see the Badlands, which offer greater beauty in the early morning or later afternoon light.

We agreed that the sun on the majestic rock formations showed the inherent beauty of God’s creation. It was the solitude that seemed to give us a special closeness to the Lord as Stan and I stood hand in hand. We observed colors of red, gray, orange, greenish pink and brown. They have thrilled people for centuries with their stillness and beauty.

Were we trying to relive a special time with our former mates? Both of us said, “I remember when we were here, but it seems so different now.” Traveling by motorcycle together in this beautiful setting is something we will remember as a special time just for us.

“Be still and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10 New International Version

        

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