Just because you can, does it mean you should?

It’s a question Alecia, a friend and co-worker, and I debated when the plane reached cruising altitude and conversation turned to Christmas.

We talked about our own childhood Christmas memories and our shared fondness for Barbie dolls. My Barbie memories included my sister and I emptying out mom’s pantry so we could use the cake mix, cereal and cracker boxes for Barbie furniture. My mom sewed much of her wardrobe.

Good memories, and yet I was always most eager to play Barbie’s at Gail’s house. She had the coolest kitchen set for her Barbie dolls. I secretly longed to replace our improvised kitchen for the set that Gail stored in a drawer.

Years later I became a mom to three girls and we purchased more than a kitchen set for those dear ones who also made Barbie a priority on their wish lists. Over the course of many Christmases they received a large wooden Barbie house — fully accessorized, plus the Barbie school set, Barbie pet shop, Barbie grocery store, and more.

More than once I stepped on miniature Barbie pieces and as I rubbed the arch of my throbbing foot, I remember wondering if they truly appreciated all the things that were theirs.

Mike and I remember simple Christmas celebrations at our homes and for many years that’s all our girls knew, too. I distinctly recall the Christmas that we wrapped up the necessities — new bed sheets because theirs had wore thin, panties, socks, toothbrushes, and the treat was plastic candy canes filled with M&Ms.

Their joy was in opening the boxes and they squealed over the needed items.

Just because you can, does it mean you should?

A friend shared how her mother-in-law pours every fiber of her time and energy into December for their family get-together. She takes shopping, baking and decorating to a new level each year because she can. And each year when the dishes and gifts are cleared away she laments, “All that work and now it’s over.” She experiences annual disappointment in her expectations.

When gathered with a group of women this fall, we each shared a Christmas family tradition in response to one woman’s desire to establish simple and meaningful Christmas traditions for her family.

One young mom shared that during the 25 days leading up to Christmas the kids create a paper chain using strips of colored paper. Each day they write something they are thankful for inside of a link and attach it to the chain. They then use the chain for their countdown to Christmas, daily undoing a link and remembering the things they thankfully recorded the month before.

Shirley said their Christmas Eve tradition is that all the sisters, sister-in-laws and nieces that desire to go to the midnight candlelight service go to church together. Sometimes they all go, sometimes there’s only three, but it’s become her favorite tradition over the years.

Cori remembers Christmases that were very lean. They used to gather their pennies and each person would buy one gift. Not just any gift. The gifts needed to weave around the theme that was identified for the season. One year the theme was time and another year it was peace. Although they’re not counting pennies anymore, the one-gift, theme-related gift-giving tradition remains. It’s kept their Christmas celebrations authentic, simple and rich in family memories.

Most of the shared stories didn’t revolve around the gifts, which has become the heart of Christmas for many, but it’s not because these women didn’t have the means to go overboard on their families. They simply made the choice to refrain from making it their primary focus.

Just because you can, does it mean you should?

Maybe. Maybe not.

There are three words that represent paths that people tend to take when they face this holiday: abstain, obtain and restrain.

Those who abstain are quite Scrooge-like, selfishly rejecting the privilege to bless others and help those in need in order to keep their bank accounts padded and comfy.

Those who obtain over-indulge in gift giving and bow to commercialism. This morning I heard a news report that the latest craze and hard-to-find toy for the season is a Zhu Zhu Pets Hamster.

I went online to learn more. As of 2:20 p.m. today, it’s out of stock in Walmart, Target and ToysRUs. Amazon.com has some in stock with a hefty price tag, but their customer reviews were mixed. One posted that it’s a great toy, but she’s angry that vendors are over-pricing them because of the demand. A dad posted that “After much hype and anticipation, we finally got our Mr. Squiggles (their Zhu Zhu Pets Hamster). The kids played with him for about 30 seconds and he was put down. I think this product was a little oversold.” Seems so.

Those who restrain know how to spend less, yet give more, holding their possessions loosely so they can generously and meaningfully extend love to all.

My perspective on Christmas has changed dramatically through the years. I wish I still had my mom’s handmade Barbie clothes in hand, and I long to go back in time and spend more time on the floor playing Barbie’s with my girls than I did in the mall finding the items that I didn’t have as a kid.

Have a blessed Christmas doing what you can, because you should: Give generously to those in need, demonstrate love unmeasured and uncalculated, and delight in the simple things.

Lenae Bulthuis is a wife, mom and friend who muses from her back porch on a Minnesota grain and livestock farm.