Published: May 29, 2008 03:15 pm            

The Back Porch: Going down wrong lane of life can give you strength

Originally published in the May 30, 2008, print edition.

“I predicted it,” Mike said after another potential day of planting was rained out. “An early Easter means a late spring, plus it rained on Easter and if it does that it’ll rain the next five weeks in a row.”

He was right. Why he watches the weather forecast so religiously when he’s got it all figured out anyway is beyond me.

“Don’t worry about it,” oldest daughter, Elizabeth, piped in. “It’ll all work out.”

Oft repeated words from this family’s queen worrier. With middle daughter Stephanie’s high school graduation party a few days away and Elizabeth’s wedding seven weeks later, she often dishes out the same advice to me. “Don’t worry about it. It’ll all work out. It always does.”

It does always work out, although one is prone to wonder, when it feels like things are coming at you head-on. One of the many joke pages on the internet contains these words: When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

Some people choose the fast lane. Even within the “hazy, lazy days” of summer, they are flying in all directions like armies of seeds traveling in the wind. Just think on the endless number of summer activities available for kids — Little League, vacation Bible school, basketball leagues, volleyball camp, soccer camp, swimming lessons — and that’s just in June.

If it wears you out thinking about it, I’ve got news. You don’t have to sign your kids up for every activity. Choose one or two and you and your family will be back in the right lane.

Sometimes a lane change is not an option. There are those who have things flying at them that they didn’t sign up for — cancer treatments, the death of a child, clinical depression, a spouse who wants to call it quits, losing a job, a limb, a home, health insurance, etc. There are trials, hardships and disasters that disable and impact family and school life, sleeping and eating habits and the ability to enjoy life.

No one is exempt from grief and trouble. If you’re not currently in the midst of something hard, tomorrow is a new day. Contrary to popular belief that life is only good when it’s easy and contented, it’s important to note that sometimes in the hardest circumstances, we experience the best stuff. Struggles often strengthen relationships and give birth to better times.

John Fischer, a writer and speaker who I admire, wrote, “Having everything coming at you may not necessarily mean you’re in the wrong lane when it comes to personal growth. I would go as far as to suggest that everything going your way is probably a condition to be less trusted than feeling like you’re driving into oncoming traffic.”

What? If your windshield is collecting debris — fragments of life that are destroyed or broken down — are you now going to believe that this is the lane of choice?

He goes on to say that when hard things come your way — trials, hardship, testing times — maybe you are in the right lane after all, if it refines, shapes, conforms and grows you.

Mother Teresa was no stranger to trials or personal growth. In India she saw overwhelming poverty, disease and suffering. Instead of switching lanes to avoid the oncoming pain, she chose to go against the flow and make a difference. Reflecting on the horrific things she faced on the streets of Calcutta she said, “I know God will not give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish that He didn’t trust me so much.”

If you’re facing a difficult road, don’t give up — let these things draw you closer to God and to others, let it refine, shape and grow you. If you’re supporting someone who is walking a tough, uphill journey, don’t give up — love hurts, but love will make a way.

As Henry Ward Beecher wrote, “We are always in the forge, or on the anvil; by trials God is shaping us for higher things.”

        

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